considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
