you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
