you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
