I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
