8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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