My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
