Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
