Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I wear drunk well.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
