You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
