Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
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i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
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