when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
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you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
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All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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