I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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