A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
