is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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