im about as happy as oj after his trial
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
