her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
