um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
