when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
