why didn't you poke me back
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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