He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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