Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
