the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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