You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
