Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
