If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
