Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
