Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
