does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
