remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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