Swine flu. Run for my life!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
