I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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