there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
