Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
