Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
