They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
