it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
