it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
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She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
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I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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