I met the friendliest cop last night
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
