I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
