It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
