It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
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How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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