The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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