He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
