You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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