Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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