So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
