Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
