Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
