He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
