oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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