So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Can I color on your dick again?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
