I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
