Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
