: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
