Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
