I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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