I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
