Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
