If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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