You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
