I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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