Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
