Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
