drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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