i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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