you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
smell my finger.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
