Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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