Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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