My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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